From the Mouth of Mike

I hate babies, but I dig baby strollers

“

HairBand

Mike had a hairband on his bedroom table. Happy with his potential sex story he will soon tell me about a women I said:

Me: OooooK Mike. You had a young lady over last night? She forgot her hairband.

Mike: It’s mine.

Me: Oh. What?!

Mike drunk at beach

Mike: my lil boy will be wearing a speedo.

Date: what if it’s a girl?

Mike: She’ll wear a thong.

I bet if I hit you with a stick, you would spew the most delicious sweets.

“

Dammit, I really need to start carrying a purse.

“

Sometimes I wish I was Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise/Nelly. Sweat suit! Fuckin’ pimp juice.

“

You know why they call me the white ninja right?… Cause I’m the albino Negro.

“

I like short girls. Really short girls. That way your dick can go all the way up to her throat.

“

MIKE All the girls I take out are ugly bitches.

ME Don’t call them ugly. I don’t use that word.

MIKE What do you call them, deformed?

Mike hill. AMAZED with the new machine.